Monday, April 27, 2009

Memoir, Writing Blocks and the Internet Fairy

This weekend I attempted a second installment of my memoir-y thing about being married to an Air Force pilot (first installment here).

writersblock.jpg writers block is an ugly thing image by TrishaSan

I got a classic case of writer’s block.  I hemmed and hawed and told myself what I’d written was garbage. Since that’s not very fun, I tried something different.  It’s this Internet game where you type your name and the word “needs” into Google—as in “Barbara Needs”—and see what you get. 

So.  According to the Internet Fairy, here’s what Sallymandy Needs to start writing that piece:

A bit more coffee.

$80,000.

To be thin again.

A new dress.

Some peppermint candy.

to spank him and send him  to bed!

Some lovin’. 

heart.jpg heart image by steph_hannah_07

Heck, yeah! I do need those things.  And I’m pretty sure Sallymandy needs

 WisdoM.

To get her story

Straight.

To improve her awareness of medial vowel sounds.

MCO_.png image by awilliamst2

To gain the respect of her peers.

work on expressing her attachment needs!

To stand her ground against Violet at all times.

Large coffee pots for the concession stand.

Help dragging the corpse of that tree she had killed out to the curb.

To be thumped.

To crack Bruce upside the head with one of her old batarangs for the way he spoke to her!

To contact the European Commission aviation department.

To expose herself to the feared germs in incremental steps.

To be placed in detox.

writersblockhahaha.jpg writers block image by betweenthebars22

I can probably live with all those suggestions.  But when the I.F. said I need

  • To increase the dose of the morphine
  • To hurry up and die

I turned my computer off for the rest of the weekend and decided to take up basketweaving. Stay tuned for more developments.

Snoopy2.jpg Author image by mark_8675309

19 comments:

Imogen Lamport said...

Yes - even though I am not a writer, and really, what I do should be so easy, I find at times myself lacking ideas for blog posts.

You are not alone.

Jane said...

ha ha you made me laugh. keep writing.

Protege said...

Hehe, thank you for this funny post that made me laugh; and I really needed to on this Monday morning!:))
I have to try this, although with the somewhat exotic spelling of my name I do not dare to think of what might come up!:P:P

The top picture VERY adequately describes how I feel at times having a long distance relationship.;))

And it is god to stay away from computers once in awhile; so I think you did good to turn it off.;)

Wishing you a lovely Monday.;))
xo

Gal Friday said...

Oh these "googlisms" were great, each one funnier than the one before!! I have done these for collages before, and even a few times on my older blog(first at Yahoo 360, then at Multiply) and it made me go back to re-read mine.
In spite of your writer's block, I think you, as usual, somehow pulled off putting out a very interesting blog for your readers to read.

Penney said...

Good Morning! You made my day, again! I just love a good, good laugh in the a.m...You have NO writer's block, just a great sense of humor and the will to write and share it.
Have the best day!!!
xo, Penney

The Clever Pup said...

Very funny stuff - what are medial vowel sounds?

What I coincidence - I too need $80,000 and to be thinner. Hehe.

Ms. Lucy said...

LOL! Yes, I'm with you- Sometimes we all need a dose of basket-weaving! Thanks:)

Profoundly Superficial said...

Hey SallyMandy... Dr. Profoundly Superficial says you have a classic case of Writer's Constipation. I am a fellow sufferer, alas. Anyway, try the following:

Go for a run.

Play some music that always takes you out of yourself such as some particularly sexy tango. Keep playing it whenever necessary.

The same applies to a piece of writing that never fails to inspire you, that makes you high.

Get out whatever you may have that relates to your memoir. If you have clothes, wear them. If there are photos, surround yourself with them. Scan them so you can magnify the image and discover new details. Then write down whatever snippets or memories pop into your head. Don't judge. They're yours and they are all precious!

Good luck!!!

La Belette Rouge said...

Writing about all the things that you need to have before you can write is in fact writing. Nope, you aren't blocked.;-)

The Renaissance Chick said...

Hey, Lizard Girl!
Your post today was too funny! See what happens when you think you are drawing a blank...you relax...and then BAM!...there it is! You know I will have to steal this idea, don't you? Anyway, it was quite enjoyable. Thanks, I needed that!

Malisa

Sher said...

Thanks for the laugh! I really needed this. I'm swamped on a Monday and instead of turning off my computer, I figured I swing by here to take a breather....feeling better already :D

Ingrid Mida said...

This is too funny.
I too make excuses why I cannot do something (that I really want to do). Usually relates to how I have already decided it is not perfect enough...
Just start writing....some people write better in a notebook. Maybe try a routine before you begin to write. Like have a coffee, turn on a certain piece of music, turn off the phone...then just start. Tell yourself it is okay to write garbage. You can always edit it after.
Good luck!

Doreen said...

a very clever post and fun to read! had me laughing quite a few times.

The Clever Pup said...

Hey Sallymandy - where's your sexy girl post? You were nominated too.

sallymandy said...

Imogen: That's one reason I widened my blogging scope from just style to pretty much anything. I constantly have ideas this way.

Jane: thanks, I will!

Protege: Thanks, dear. I feel for you in your long-distance relationship. I did that for a long time, too. Best to you this week.

Gal: Thanks for the compliment. It would be fun to see your old blog posts. I didn't know you had an older blog.

Penney: Thanks so much. I need to lighten up and laugh, too.

Clever: I don't know what they are, nor care to. I'm sure that means I need work on them, though. Let me know when you find the money.

Ms Lucy: Thanks!

ProSup: These are great suggestions and seem to come from your own experience. Thanks!

Belette: I agree with you. Any time you put down words it's writing. This has made me think a lot about what writer's block really is and whether it's a product of just having unrealistic expectations. You know whereof you speak. Thanks, xo

Malisa: Steal away, please! I stole it from someone too. I had fun writing it. love, L. G.

Sher: So glad you enjoyed it. We need to keep laughing.

Ingrid: You're so write. Permission to write garbage is the most important rule. I just read something by Isabel Allende where she said something similar. Thank you for your ideas.

Doreen: Thanks!

CP: Yeah, well, I'm feeling too sexy for my cat today, as I do my little turn on the catwalk. I'll get back to ya on that.

Tessa said...

Well said, Sallymandy! That was a stellar post, despite the dreaded 'block'! (I'm still giggling...)

Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

FAB FAB FAB post, just love it!!!


FFF x

aims said...

Besides being absolutely true - I loved the cat saying idiot. It is a cat isn't it?

A Thousand Clapping Hands said...

I was right there with you! Oh I do understand! Very funny, and very true. Good luck!
Catherine